Hero's Code

Screwing Your Relationship Capital

I recently had an opportunity to work with a team of specialists inside a large software company. This group of professionals provide services to executives only within their company and they were worried that these execs see them as an "endagered" species. In fact, I had been asked to attend to facilitate some ideas on how they might develop better relationships with their clients.

The brief was a bit vague and so I was grateful to sit in on their meeting prior to my bit. I listened to the language they used to describe the various relationships with their clients. It went something like this..

He is an insidious force They are the three dark forces He would stab us in the back Wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley He is a real problem child He is potentially very scary We are an ant on his butt He could make or break us

..and more like this.

When it was my turn to lead the session, they were looking for a set of recipies, tips and hints that would help them transform the relationships with their clients. I suppose I could just stick with what they expected - after all, my client was willing to pay for that kind of stuff.

Maybe its my age but there are definitely times when the client doesn't know what's best. I don't think I will be asked back. From my viewpoint, why should I teach them language patterns and tricks of influence when all they would do is layer them on top of a bunch of insincere feelings.

Surely the right thing for them to do if they want other people to change the way they perceive them is to change themselves first. This group couldn't believe that the most authentic and often effective way of inducing change in others is to "go there first"

Best network contacts?

I still meet many individuals who avoid networking events if they can.  There are many reasons people give for disliking such events but often it is fear that lies behind the perception.  Is it fear of being manipulated  or of having nothing really to offer?  Is it fear of -heaven forbid- actually having to accept something from someone.  I guess there are all kinds of reasons but basically - who cares?

I believe that if people dont like these events it is because their focus is in the wrong place.  By focusing on particular beliefs about networking they are making life more difficult than it need be.

Have you had anyone say to you that they don't go to a particular event because it "isn't attended by the best people?" I am really puzzled by this because the secret to networking is surely not trying to arm wrestle the people we meet at these events into buying something from us. 

The issue is surely first of all to make a friend - openly and honestly with no hidden agenda.  This is not a "soft hearted" notion by any means. It is just part of the cycle of life - of giving and receiving.

Trust is based on friendship and mutual respect.  Trade and business is based on trust.  If we choose to build a house we start with the foundations. If we choose to build a business it has foundations too that must weather the storms and be there for the long haul.  The foundations of your business depend on developing trusted realtionships with your clients your advisers and suppliers. It takes time and maintenance should never stop.

And anyway, have you thought that you just never know who that person you met at the networking event actually knows themselves.  It is through the connectedness we all have, and the small world effect that we can be so close to the expertise, the clients the funding or the friendships that we all desire.

There are many good reasons to invest in developing your personal relationship capital - teach your children.

What you give away

Meeting a friend, Derek, for lunch yesterday we were chatting about business and in particular our thoughts about getting new clients and developing relationship capital. 

Derek told me about an acquaintence with a CNC machine shop.  This facility was so busy the owner - John - was concerned that he might not be able to deliver product to his existing clients in a timely manner - and thus lose business in the long run. 

Faced with this large and potentially lucrative order, John had a bit of a dilemma. Should he accept the new order and possibly delay the delivery of both his existing client orders and this new one? or should he refuse the order and possibly never have another chance to work with this client.

Luckily he chose a third course of action.  John had a nearby competitor with a similar size of business.  He recognised that this machine shop was possibly better equipped to meet the specification for the new order than he was. Despite best advice of his accountant and his partners John referred the business to his "competitor"

The surprise for John was that shortly afterward he received calls from both his competitor and the client he gave away. 

The client called to say how much he appreciated John for the care and consideration with which he had been treated and how he looked forward to working with him in the future. 

The competitor called delighted at the referral of such valuable business and pointed out that he actually would like to refer work to John because he recognised that it was a better fit for John's business.

John in giving work away attracted even more to himself.
This is a true story and a reminder that we all probably recognise this principle but so often fail to practice it. Especially when times are harder.  It is so often difficult to trust that by giving we can actually be choosing to receive far more.

Your best network contacts?

Take a minute to write down the names of your five best contacts.

When you've done, scan the list and notice if they belong to particular groups or categories.  For example, are any of these five your family?  Or are they famous? Are they work colleagues? Do all five belong to a particular group?

Now I didn't give you a definition for "best" so you had to make some assumptions of what best meant to you.   When you reflect on the assumptions you made, notice what this tells you about this particular network grouping.

Now add your next best five names to your list.

When you have done, once again notice the groups that all ten belong to.  How many subgroups are there in all?  Is this group of people that know you very diverse or just representative of one or two groups?
As we will see in future posts, it is often not the size of a network that counts but it's diversity or structure.

Taking your original list of five names, count the number of connections amongst your connections.  They all know you, but how many of these five know each other.  The maximum number of relationships amongst these is 10.  How many did you score?

If none of your contacts knows each other this is an example of a very open or entrepreneurial network.  If all of these contacts know each other your network is very dense.  Neither of these situations is particularly or necessarily bad - it really depends on what you need your network for as we will see in future posts.

Happy Campers

Imagine a scenario in which an outdoors-loving President  gets together with three of the most powerful industrialists in the Western world at a campsite in the mountains of Western Maryland, where the three ride horses, shoot rifles, chop wood and eat and sleep in tents beside a babbling brook.

This is just one of the kinds of things that happened during the years earlier last century (1916 - 1924) when Thomas Edison, Henry Ford and Harvey Firestone — accompanied by naturalist John Burroughs — went out on annual summer camping junkets.  These trips took them through most of Eastern America and on which, on any given day or evening, they never knew just what route they would be taking or where they would end up.

Norman Brauer's book, There to Breathe the Beauty recaptures, in anecdote and photograph (275 of them), the spirit and record of those remarkable trips during which these giants ignored the demands of their industries and their "normal" lives to cavort like boys over the rough roads and open terrain of an America on the edge of the automotive age, enjoying a series of adventures so rash and delightful that it is almost impossible to imagine any four such powerful and famous men duplicating the feat in this overpopulated, hyperfast, media frenzied, stressed out age of ours.

Can you imagine the fireside chats they might have had?

The Worlds Worst Networker

Keith Ferrazzi is a great networker. That's clear. 

If there were a sliding scale of networking ability, Keith would be at the 100 percent point and I always saw myself at about 10 percent.  Although I am not quite a match for Keith yet, I have a much better idea of how to get up to that 100 percent - and I am well on my way.  I can now read his book and take what I need from it with enthusiasm.

I put myself into a position where I just had to learn. This works for me - no running away.  By committing to offer a workshop on "Relationship Capital" or Valued Relationships, to Scottish business, I had the opportunity to research the science and practice of networking. Along the way, I also discovered that far from being a poor networker, I was actually pretty good. 

The problem was that my network was actually an accident - a matter of chance rather than design.  I just wonder, when you think about it, if you really "know" your network any better than I knew mine.

For much of my professional life I looked on networking events as a necessary but not particularly attractive proposition.  And you know what, the recent fashion to hold speed networking events did not help me form a more positive perspective.   

So - I will attempt to post my findings and observations in the days to come.  These posts will look at the attitudes and beliefs that hold many people back from networking excellence.  I want to give you some guidance on how you might get an honest perspective on your level of relationship capital right now.
And what really matters about a network? How can you really feel good about networking?

After all, heaven forbid, if all your money were gone then all you might have left are your relationships.