Hero's Code

The thin line

The line which separates winning from losing has often been described as being as fine as a razor’s edge.  Sport is full of examples of this.  I like watching Formula One motor racing for all kinds of reasons but one of the things I particularly like is how races can be decided by fractions of second even after hundreds of miles have been raced.  Cars have to be placed with millimetre perfect precision, and drivers must seek out and feel the absolute edge of performance if they are to succeed.

Athletic performance too is about much more than muscular power.  Otherwise what would be the point of actually competing?  We could just measure the stature of the athletes and give the gold medal to the ones with the biggest muscles.  Even though the edge in athletic performance is subtle we all recognise that it is real and it stems from these human qualities of unshakable self belief and persistence as well as raw physical talent.  Successful people always create success twice; once in their own minds and once in taking the necessary action.

Bob Proctor tells the story of “Armed” – the first racehorse in the USA to win over 1$ million in a racing career.  In one year, 1947, Armed won almost $800,000 whilst its nearest competitor won only $75,000.  Now, was Armed more than ten times better than it’s nearest rival? I don’t think so.  In fact if you were to compare the race times of these two horses you would find that there was less than four percent difference in their times.  Just the narrow edge that Armed possessed made a vast difference in terms of results.  So it is for you and I and our lives. 

If you are not getting the results you want in life, take confidence from the fact that just a small change in what you are doing can certainly transform your fortunes.  The little something that you must do to become more successful may not be what you think it is.  But whatever it is, you can be absolutely certain that you are capable of doing it.  Just remember that we all have slightly different worlds to live in and what might constitute the vital edge for one person is probably not going to work for someone else.

Emotional Trajectory

Here is an interesting exercise to explore your emotional intelligence.  This is an exercise I have heard from a number of sources.

Imagine you are a four-year-old child and you are offered the following choice.  I’m in the room with you at first but I now have to run an errand.  I place a marshmallow on the table in front of you and tell you that if you don’t touch this one and wait until I get back, you can have two marshmallows.  I also tell you that if you can’t wait until I get back you can only have one marshmallow but you can have it now.  What would you do?

According to research conducted at Stanford University in the 1960’s the choice you make tells us a lot about the character of the child - and your likely success trajectory through life.  In the original research, the four-year olds were studied for twelve to fourteen years in follow-up. 

Those kids able to resist the short term temptation for a higher payoff later were found to grow up to be more socially competent, personally effective, self-assertive and better able to cope with the ups and downs of life. These adolescents were confident, self-reliant, dependable and trustworthy and tended to use their initiative.

The few kids who couldn’t resist grabbing the single marshmallow straight away were more likely to become shy, stubborn, indecisive and easily upset by difficulties.  They tended to see themselves as unworthy and were mistrustful of others.  This led to fights as they always expected rewards in life straight away.

I’m frightened to ask you what your choice would have been as a four-year old.

Can it be true that our emotional intelligence is plotted out by such an early age?
Even if it is, the truth is we can change it and you are well on the way to doing so.

No Surrender

When should we compromise and when should we give in?  It is easy to believe that the only way we can live in today's complex world is through compromise. 

But hang on - there are two kinds of compromise. 

One type is the moment to moment blending of our words and deeds with the environment and the people around us. 

The second type of compromise is based on surrender or escape.  It's that time when we lack the energy or will to struggle through to the achievement of our goals, dreams and aspirations.

Most of the time, most of us choose to compromise on our dreams out of personal convenience, greed or simple laziness.  I meet a lot of people who want success but never quite manage to generate and sustain the self-belief, the excitement and the commitment to see things to fruition. 

As human beings of course we have the right and privilege to let go of our dreams but why do we do so this easily?

But there are complications.  Take me for an instance.  In my heart I know that for many years I unconsciously associated success with struggle.  This had the curious effect of driving me on to achieve success but denying me of any real sense of pleasure. The problem you see was that  by living with an association between success and struggle, I could never stop to enjoy the fruits of my labours.  If I wasn't struggling onward I couldn't deep inside believe that I was a success.  It took me a long time to choose a better way to compromise.

I chose to change my associations for better ones.  My intention has become to only work on fun projects with fun people - and it has been curious how more and more that simple intention has brought exactly those things into my life. 

In letting go of struggle I haven't compromised on my goals.  For my personal goals there can never be surrender and certainly no compromise.  My upbringing and my conditioning was to never accept compromise.  My karate teacher said that if you want to be great you have to work hard.  If your training partner works for one hour you must work for ten.  If your partner works for ten hours you must work for one hundred.  You know how it is when you have truly inspiring personal goals.  Working on them is fun and compromise out of the question.

Doing the wrong things - often

What would be the worst sin - taking action to convert what you know into a realworld result - and failing - or having the knowledge burning inside and never taking action in the first place?   

I for one have made lots of mistakes and although no one could be happy about that "in the moment," the truth is I have always managed to look back and realise that I had gained valuable lessons.

Mistakes have certainly cost me money, sleep and the colour of my hair.  I have a loving partner thank goodness and I fear that at times my entrepreneurial excesses may have been more stressful for her than for me.  The alternative of inaction and dreaming though would have been unthinkable for me. 

The belief I have is that people dont make enough mistakes.  We are taught at school to get things right and many of us were good at that, but in the world of business there are no well-conditioned problems or perfect solutions.  When faced with uncertainty many of us choose not to play the game and consequently never enjoy the special joy that comes from success that almost surprises us.

Bernie Siegel tells a nice story in his book "Prescriptions for Living." 

A comtractor was hired to pave a driveway in a neighborhood where he had never worked before.  He paved the driveway when the owners were away and then sent his invoice for payment.  The owner returned and somewhat surprised, called the contractor. 

It seems the contractor made a mistake and had paved the wrong driveway. Even though the owner offered to pay something, the contractor refused all payment saying that it was totally his mistake. He moved his equipment up the street and paved the correct driveway this time.

Do you think that the contractor suffered because of his mistake?  In actual fact, because of his actions the whole neighborhood talked of his correct behaviour and whoever needed a driveway in the area called this guy.  He had more business through his mistake than he could have bought with advertising.

Mistakes will be made if we want to achieve anything worthwhile and they are great opportunities to learn.  We need to be able to acknowledge our mistakes and say sorry when necessary.  And we also need to be able to forgive the mistakes of others.  But just a second - Now there are mistakes and there are - mistakes.  If we were learning to walk a high wire it makes sense to start with a wire that is close to the ground. That way a fall doesn't hurt.  We can fall often and just get back on the wire until we can traverse it in our sleep.

When we are ready to work at a greater height we can certainly look for a harness or a safety net, but we also have the confidence that comes from doing the wrong things lots of times.

Unlearning what we know

Have you noticed how people and their organisations trap themselves firmly in what they know?

"This worked in the past and it will work now."
"The trend has always been upward and  I will bet this company's future that it will continue."
"Customers have been happy with this in the past - it must be what they want now."

Knowledge and experience are so appealing, especially in a changing and unpredictable world because they feel comfortable and secure.  That is why they are so dangerous.  They become habits.

But which way are you supposed to go in the strange unpredictable future?  It takes a special person to trust themselves to unlearn the habits of the past.

Salespeople can trap their prospects in knowledge too.  They might say "My job is to educate the customer on our products." 

Whilst there is always value in providing customers with information that matches their needs, too often "education" takes the form of a canned speech or a Powerpoint presentation designed by head office - exactly the type of non-learning that put us into a trance at school.

If you love to sell for a living there is probably a different edge to what you do.  Call it "confidence" or "trust" or "state management".  I like to trust myself to say whatever seems appropriate in the moment but I am never in a hurry to speak.  As your breathing matches your customers breathing remember to smile.  Say to yourself "Everything that comes to mind now is a gift to share with this person."

Resisting the impulse to speak as soon as something comes to mind gives you a curious power.  When you have something to say - pause - speak only when something to say has you.

Goals to feel bad about

I was in my local bookshop today and found myself in the self-help section. From the volume of books in this area I would guess that there are a lot of people looking for help. Now I like to learn and I enjoy books but sometimes I have to kick myself and give myself a reminder that thoughts entertain but it is action that pays the bills.

There are times when positive thinking is not enough. And you know what - some people seem to think that we should be able to "iron out" the highs and lows of our feelings so that we never can have an off day.

A friend of mine had a personal tragedy, and because he is an NLP master practitioner, he actually had some acquaintances say to him that he had no right to feel bad. The logic being that he should be able to use his techniques to snap out of it. My personal experience is that there are times that I just choose to allow feeling bad. I may know I can change the way I see things but sometimes allowing yourself to feel bad is just the right thing to do.

It’s important to know that not one of us can be in a truly resourceful state every minute of every day. After all, we recognise our truly empowered and happy moments only by contrast with our deflated moments. The fact is that life is very much about cycles and about opposites. We can only have “up” because there is a “down”. We only have “light” because there is a “dark”.

Perhaps we should just accept that sometimes we will be highly motivated and a true positive thinker and sometimes just a miserable so and so?

What I also know is that the longer you and I can keep in a focused and positive state of mind, the better our results and the more satisfying will be the people, places and things we attract. Because, life is very much about cycles we can always choose to recognise that if today you feel low and demotivated an upswing can never be far a way. The more you can focus on the coming upswing the faster it arrives.

I believe that when you really have the desire for something, you will have no problems keeping your mind on what you want. If you can’t do that you in business or in your life in general you need to work on your desire. Why is it so few people seem to set goals that really excite them?

The key then is to take effective action that feeds on the power of that desire with faith and persistence that you will succeed. World-class performers in anything choose their thoughts with care and they question their beliefs and those of others. Sadly, most people never have original thoughts – they repeat the thoughts they had the day before.

The difference between the world class and the good or average performer can be as thin as a razors edge – notice that when the world champion has a bad day, he or she will still keep taking the steps. The average performer takes a day off.

Screwing Your Relationship Capital

I recently had an opportunity to work with a team of specialists inside a large software company. This group of professionals provide services to executives only within their company and they were worried that these execs see them as an "endagered" species. In fact, I had been asked to attend to facilitate some ideas on how they might develop better relationships with their clients.

The brief was a bit vague and so I was grateful to sit in on their meeting prior to my bit. I listened to the language they used to describe the various relationships with their clients. It went something like this..

He is an insidious force They are the three dark forces He would stab us in the back Wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley He is a real problem child He is potentially very scary We are an ant on his butt He could make or break us

..and more like this.

When it was my turn to lead the session, they were looking for a set of recipies, tips and hints that would help them transform the relationships with their clients. I suppose I could just stick with what they expected - after all, my client was willing to pay for that kind of stuff.

Maybe its my age but there are definitely times when the client doesn't know what's best. I don't think I will be asked back. From my viewpoint, why should I teach them language patterns and tricks of influence when all they would do is layer them on top of a bunch of insincere feelings.

Surely the right thing for them to do if they want other people to change the way they perceive them is to change themselves first. This group couldn't believe that the most authentic and often effective way of inducing change in others is to "go there first"